Petersburg 1780

I have just this instant read your letters which coming here during my Excursion were sent after me to the Black Sea. I am at Dinner to day at Sir James Harriss's when they were brought in under his Cover.

I am totally at a loss for expressions adequate to the affection so apparent in both your Letters particularly in the last, though written at a time when my Conduct must have appeared to be such as to render me so little deserving of it. I can never forgive myself for the inaffection I have given to the Circumstance of my having spent so much money. My not having gone about to give account of the reasons in the way of Justification for my having spent so much must appear very blameable but my not having given some kind of assurance of that expensive mode of living being at an End is unpardonable.

I am astonish'd at it myself upon recollection. Finding that I c d. justify my conduct to myself, it seems as if I thought nothing of the opinion and suspicions which my friends must have from it or of the difficulties I might involve them in.

First, Sir, let me assure you that all those great Expences which, inexperienced as I was, and in such extraordinary circumstances I had incurred are now at an End; and tho' the appearance I keep up here is the same as it was at first and w ch was never more than was absolutely necessary for me to do any thing, yet those brought my Expences within the Bounds w ch my brother hath left me your affectionate Bounty has set me till I can settle myself as I was before expos'd to many extraordinary Expences so am I now in circumstances the most favorable for Oeconomy. This is owing to my friend Heshejoff. A carriage was as necessary as a pair of shoes more so than a shirt. I saw the Expence of hiring at a Ruble a day and in times of public Shew at two rubles independent of Horses I bought one for 275 Rubbles, instead of having Horses by the month